Memories...

♥♥ How Innocent Life Was ♥♥

♥♥ سامعاه بيدعي من قلبه افضل معاه

♥♥ سامعاه وانا في سري بأمن وراه

♥♥ وربنا يقبل دعايا يارب ودعاه

♥♥ ولو الحياه صعبه هفضل دايما وراه

♥♥ وادعي ربي من قلبي في الخير تجمعنا الحياه

♥♥ مع كل طلعة شمس بدعي ليه وليا

♥♥ يبقالي قره عين وابقاله برضوه هي

♥♥ عشنا سوا ايام محدش عاشها غيرنا

♥♥ يارب ديمها عليه وديمها كمان عليا

♥♥ وياه ع المره قبل الحلوه انا وياه

♥♥ واللي معاه بدأته ان شاء الله مكملاه

♥♥ يا اعيش معاه عمري يا اصلا مش عايشاه

♥♥ ما انا اصلي خلاص بقيت حافظاه وعارفاه

♥♥ لو في حاجه بعيده هيقربهالي

♥♥ وكمان نجوم السما نفسه يجبهالي

♥♥ والصعب علشاني كله هيتحداه

Memories...

Its been almost 2 months since I last visited my blog, strange I used to check it daily but know its useless just a reflection of a state I was once in.. The me portrayed in this blog left me the day we left each other..

So what the hell made me visit it now and decided to write again.. I've been trying to avoid any place we've been to together but today I made a visit to place I didn't go to for a few months now and last time I was here, you came to me and talked for a while.. You didn't stay for long but it was a good day I remember.. All our days together were great I still insist..

I am writing today in gratitude for the way you once made me feel and in remembrance for our memories together which will always be engraved in my heart and mind forever for as long as we both shall live..

Nothing more to say or as you always said.. NOTHING TO DISPLAY :)

You & Me

One question to start with, do you think I really care whether your family liked me or not or even whether my family likes you or not, what I need you to know is I can't be without you, its a matter of life and death so I would bear anything and will fight a million war just to be with you cos there's just no me without you.
I guess you & me were meant to be together inseparable and the troubles we keep on facing everyday only makes us stronger and shows us what we really mean to each other, maybe it became frequent over the past period but its only cos we have entered a serious zone where every moment count.
The other question I have for you, do you really think that I don't trust you? I would be very disappointed if that's the case, I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone, I know you love me with all your heart, I know you would do anything to make me happy, I know you would never do anything to hurt me, at least on purpose :) and I also know that I am the only person in your heart and that's why I don't feel threatened by other girls even if they are prettier but I am the one in your heart.
If I know that you love me all that much, would you think that I would not love you a thousand times more? Believe me when I tell you that I have never loved this way before and my love for you grows with each passing day, it grows each time I look in your eyes, it grows each time I feel close to you, I belong to you that's all I can say and nothing can keep me away from you except death when my time comes.

But I promise that I will love you till the end of time..

A Titleless Quote

تغيرت عندما حرصت على اختراع الفرح من أجلك, وحرصت على اختراع الحزن من أجلي
تغيرت عندما لا أتحدث مع الآخرين إلا عنك...وأراك تتحدث مع الآخرين عن كل الأشياء إلا أنا
تغيرت عندما لا أسألك عن شئ إلا أنت..وأن تسألني عن كل شئ إلا أنا !
تغيرت حين رأيت قلبي يهفو بحب بحجم الدنيا إليك يتمناه رجال الارض خلفي ... وأنت صامـت,
تغيرت حين صنعت من ريش الشوق... أجنحة أطير بها إليك وحين وصلتك كسرت ظروفك أجنحتي

Did not PAUSE!!

You didn't care to pause, when I told you I need you the most.
You didn't care to pause, when desperation was engraving itself to my soul.
You didn't care to pause, when all I wanted to hear was your voice telling me it will be alright.
You didn't care to pause, when life as I once knew it slipped away from my fingers and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
And now you left me high and dry, all by myself like I have always been, why would I assume that love could not be conquered, love is conquered the very first minute troubles arise, love is conquered the very first minute uncertainty and hesitation arise, love is conquered the very first time I ask you what do you really want and you tell me I don't know, love is conquered the very first time you let me sleep with tears in my eyes.
I love you and I know you love me too but it's not enough to mend the broken heart, it's not enough to keep my feet warm when its cold outside, it's not enough to wipe away my tears, it's not enough to conquer my fears, it's not enough to make me fight a war alone.
I need to know now where you stand, I need to know what am I to you, I need to know am I the burden you have in your life or am I what makes the life worth living, am I heaven or hell, am I the duty or the lust, how exactly do you see me, how do you see your life without me, can you see a life for yourself without me.
I can't stand always be treated like that, this is who I am and I have done my best in changing to please you and I have never asked you for anything more than for you to feel me.
I need you to be there for me, I need you to feel me if you can and I need you to know where you stand, I need to feel your love..

Valentine's Day

For the first time ever in my life, I have celebrated the Valentine's day and I believe I had an absolutely perfect Valentine, I would not change a single thing that happened on that day ever since I saw you.
You came to me looking like a star, a handsome prince who is taking his princess by the hand to the land where fairy tales exist, it was a magical night, the touch of your hand that night sent me straight to heaven, I felt I could touch the moon and the stars and strangely I felt that my eyes were shining with love more than that moon and those stars.
When we found the road a bit crowded and then were a bit lost, I felt happy that I could steal a few more precious moments with you before reaching the place we were heading to cos it really didn't ever matter where we were going as long as we will be together.
When we reached the place, my God how I loved it, yet again since when didn't I enjoy or like something you've chosen, I always love what you love, I love whatever you lay eyes on, whatever crosses your mind, I love you...
I had the greatest time there and when it was time to leave, I also had the sweetest going home ride ever that I really didn't want it to end, I didn't want that fairytale night to end, I felt like I was living in a dream that ended the moment I stepped out of the car, but even if that dream ended back then, I can still recall every word you said, every look, every touch, every single detail on that wonderful night, I thank you for all that from the bottom of my heart, no wonder you are the love of my life.

I wish you enjoyed that night the way I did and all I can say is Rabena y7'alik liya ya 7yaty, cos life really has no meaning without you my love...

Afraid

It's the first time to write something in my blog that I don't want you to read, I know eventually you will but really I am not hurry cos you know what, I just don't wanna write anymore, tired of writing (surprising isn't it?!!) I don't wanna write, I don't wanna talk, I just want to feel your presence like I used to, I want to feel your love, I want to know deep in my heart that you'll not leave me no matter what.

You know what being together was a fact to me that I never suspected for a second, why do you take that certainty out of my heart now and why now when I need you the most!!!

I love you, yes I love you far beyond what words can say, I don't want anything other than you from life, just three days ago I was praying to have kids who'll look like you, I need to know what happened in these two days?!!

You know what really kills me, when I ask you what exactly do you want and you reply that "I don't know, I haven't decided yet," what is exactly that you don't know? you don't know if you want me or not, you don't know if you want to be myside for the rest of ourlives together or not? you don't know if you are willing to take a challenge or two to protect your love? what is it exactly that you don't know!!!

I have lots of questions on my mind and I am tired of writing, I am tired of talking, I am tired of thinking and I am afraid, afraid of facing this world without you, afraid that I will lose my one and only love, afraid that I stuck with misery for my whole like... But I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be loved by you..

Please know, please decide, please don't leave me, I can't believe I am that desperate...

Acting strong

Not a long time ago, a few days ago actually we are discussing the reason I like to act strong all the time, you want to know why...

The reason why I used to do that is to prevent something like what happened today cos you just can't imagine the heartache you feel when tears fill your eyes and the person you love acts likes he does not even see that :'(

You can't imagine the heartache you feel when you are dying to hear the voice of the person you love, telling you that everything will be alright and I know you that I am dying to hear your voice and yet for a reason I don't know you don't care to do it.

You can't imagine the heartache you feel when you need the person you love to be by yourside when all your world seems to falling apart and he is not there, do you know what is like to NEED someone.

That's why all my life I tried to be strong to avoid going through all the heartaches, but I can't do it anymore, I can't manage to keep myself together without you, I can't act strong anymore I love you and I can't go on without you anymore so please the only thing I will ever ask you to do is to be there for me.

I need you...

Internal Affairs also

For the past few days Egypt has been suffering from external parties and foreign countries involvement in our internal affairs which I have always believed it to be unacceptable, so why do you think that I would let anyone on this Earth interfere in my life, why do you think that I would allow anyone to utter a single word about what we have, why do you think that anyone can change my mind whether now or in the future about how I feel for you.

I trust you and nothing can change that, I belong to you no matter how long it takes us, no matter how hard it was, if it costs me my life I would give my life cos my life would really mean NOTHING if you are not with me.

Why don't you understand, Life has some facts:

The sun will rise everyday

The sea will always have waters

The desert will never run out of sand

AND

I will never stop loving or trusting you...

A message to my husband

A message to my husband, yes my husband, the bravest man alive, how I love you even when jealousy strikes you and you get furious and start screaming at me yet strangely I can see the whole world's tenderness in your eyes. You are the sweetest man I have ever met, you are the kindest and the cutest. You are all I have ever wished for and you the best that ever happened in my life.

I love you sweetie, I love being your wife or your wife to be isA, Rabena y7'alik liya, you are the most precious diamond in the world and in my world or actually would it be more accurate to say that you are my world and I would give up all my life, all what's precious and valuable to protect my love for you.

You know what I wish for each night before I fall asleep, I wish I could wake up in your arms, I wish that it would be the last night I have to spend away from you, I wish that I would be yours forever, my sweetest husband.

I love you...

Why do I act that strong!!

You asked me yesterday "why do I act strong" you want to know why cos the only person that I don't act to be anything with, other than what I really am is you...

And let me tell you something when someone gets deep inside you, it becomes very easy for him to hurt you and that wound hurts so deep. That's why I have learned not to let anyone see the true me, not to let anyone get inside of me, not to let anyone hurt me. Life taught me one thing so far, that I am all by myself, maybe that's why it is hard for me to change, maybe that's why I'm always anticipating the worst to happen, maybe that's why seeing you by myside all the time is like a miracle to me.

Please stay by myside cos I need you, I trust you and above all I love you far beyond what words can say...

For the rest of my life

I know that what I am going through is most probably nothing and just a normal fatigue, but deep inside whenever I'm alone, I feel scared and afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

I don't wanna get too dramatic but whatever it is, I know one thing for sure, I NEED YOU, I need you more than you can imagine, I need you now and I need you for the rest of my life cos there is no life without you.

Yesterday you asked me "what wrong, your eyes look sad as if you have tears locked in them", I am afraid that what I am, and for the first time I am not afraid of anything other than being without you, I don't want to spend a second without you by my side, I don't wanna go through anything good or bad without you, I wish I could lay in your arms forever and that time would just freeze.

I love you, and ever since I loved you I started to love my life, the life I lived with you. I can see our future in your eyes, I can see our home, our long sleepless loving nights, our children that have your eyes and tenderness and I love my life with you and I guess I am just afraid to lose you.

You know, what I am going through now reminded me of a quote from my favorite movie of all time "City of Angels", I have always loved that quote but I actually feel it now...

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand than eternity without it"

That's exactly what I feel for you without being over dramatic, I guess what I am trying to say is; I need you for the rest of my life..

For more than a year

For more than a year you are my life and this blog as my witness, for more than a year I love you more with each passing day, for more than a year you've given me happiness, joy and a safe shelter, you are my home, my family and my shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I wonder why did I love you in the first place, what attracted me to you, what is your magic then I remember the look of your eyes, your sweet voice and your tender touch.. I could just fall in love with you over and over again with each passing day.

I wish I could make you feel half as good as you make me feel when we are together, I love you..

The Back-Up Plan

You know what is the hardest question you always get asked on an interview "Where do you see yourself in five years" and of course the classical "what are your weaknesses," I always get blank when these two questions are asked because simply their answer is the same to me and unfortunately I can never utter their honest answer in an interview or it will be doomed to fail, how can you tell a prospect employer that "I don't have a plan cos simply I can not plan" of course it is not that ugly, I am not walking around aimlessly but I seriously do not have a concrete plan to lean on.

I don't know where will I be in a five years time or even in a year from now, but the only thing I know for sure is that my only long term plan is to stick by your side till the day I die cos I just can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up to someone else's face in the early morning, I can't imagine having children that do not have your eyes, I can't even imagine fighting with anyone but you.

I know life will never be easy whether we are together or we are apart but with you I am willing to stand against all the difficulties, the hurt and the pain. I never wished to be that dependent on someone, all my life I felt that the worst thing you can do to yourself is to grow dependent on someone because that someone at a certain point of time will just leave you to suffer alone, then not only will you be hurt but also lost and unsecured.

But again where did my thoughts of independence got me?!! NOWHERE, I did not find myself till the day I fell in love with you, I did not have an aim or a meaning for life till I knew it was you who gave it a meaning, it is you that makes the journey worth while.

So how can someone who doesn't have a plan other than being by your side ever have a back-up plan that doesn't include you. Enough with the suspicions and fear, it is you that I live for and it is you that I am giving my whole life to, it is you I want to share my dreams with and it is you that I want to put all my life plans with.

I need you..

Blessed

In my life I have always felt content, I could always justify the goods and bads that were happening to me, I always found a way to convince myself that this is life, its just normal to suffer and that other people are not way better off, everyone gets to suffer a bit for as long as they are living as if they are sentenced to a 70 years of prison where they have to pretend that they are free, the way I'm describing it right now sounds like a living nightmare.

Well, I have to admit that it was a living nightmare till the day I met you, that very first day I felt BLESSED for the first time I felt as if a sun finally shined upon my life, suddenly I felt better. The day I loved you I found my reason for living and knew the reason I existed in this world.

Now I can truly say that I am blessed, blessed to have you by myside, blessed to know where I wanna be, blessed to wish to spend my life in your arms, blessed to have you looking after me and caring for me that way.

Now I know that all the suffering that I may have seen in my life was worth the pain cos after any long dark night comes a shining dawn and you are my shining dawn that I've been waiting for all my life and I wish for your sun never to leave my skies cos you are what makes life worth living, you are all the blessings I have ever wished for, you are my life...

The night I cried!!

The last two days were intense, I have to admit that I sometimes feel as if it's a dream that I'm afraid to wake up to. You exceeded my dreams and expectations and I have exceeded my personal expectations in loving you...

I finally felt the meaning of being ready to die for someone else, to be ready to sacrifice everything if that would make the other happy, I'd die for you..
Tonight when I cried I was hoping that you would not get me wrong, the only I was crying was that you deserve much more than me, although I know that no one can love you the way I do.. And when you took me in your arms when I cried I felt that nothing on earth can harm me..

I love you and I gave you my heart, my life, my soul..

خايفة وقلبى مش مرتاح

حاسه ان قلبى مقبوض ومش مطمنه، حاسه انى هاسمع خبر مش حلو، بس مش عارفه ان كان قلبى هايستحمل صدمه.. يارب يكون احساسى غلط بس مش عارفه ليه قلبى مقبوض كده، نفسى اصدقك لما بتحاول تطمنى بس مش قادره... نفسى الاقيك جنبى دلوقتى بتقولى متخافيش انا جنبك ومش هاسيبك لاخر يوم فى عمرى وانا اقولك صدقنى انا غيرك ماليش والحياه ما بينا تبقى زى ما رسمناها مع بعض فى خيالنا الف مرة

يا رب اكون غلطانه، عمرى ما اتمنيت احساسى يكون غلط أد دلوقتى

I wanna grow old with you...

I don't know why I got so gloomy by the end of the night like that, maybe it's because of the damn cold I have or maybe because of the bad mood you're going through which I believe to be contagious, but even in my bad mood all I can think about is you..

How I want you to hold me now and never let go, how I long for your warm sweet embrace, I love you like no one ever loved anyone before and more than anyone ever will..

I was watching a picture of us which I really love and suddenly a song came to my mind, I don't know why that song in particular or maybe I know but anyway it's totally true "I wanna grow old with you, I wanna die lying in your arms, I wanna grow old with you, I wanna be looking in your eyes, I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do, I wanna grow old with you"

I wanna share everything and every moment of my life with you my love and believe me I'll support you and share with you your bad time even more than the good time, I promise to be there for you whenever you need me like you are always there for me whenever I need you..

I love you..

A Pause

Today something strange happened to me, I was missing you much as usual and I was thinking of you and how I wanted to be where you are now so I got my mobile to send you a message and I took a two seconds pause, what to write... Do I write "Ba7ebak" you already know, do I write "Wa7eshny" it is not even close to how much I was missing you, do I write "Malish 3'eerak" its a fact of life, ana f3lan malish 3'eerak so nothing is new about it...

Suddenly I felt that the words are not enough to describe how I feel for you, It far beyond what words can say... I am nothing without you by myside, you complete me and make me a better person and give me a reason to live, you are the one I want to live my life for..

أنت أحلى هديه ربنا بعتهالى عشان تنور عليا حياتى، ربنا يحميك ويباركلى فيك

My Life

Never had I wondered when I first made this blog that It will one day revolve around a person, I thought it was going to reflect my life but in time I came to realize that you are my life so its only natural if my blog is all about you...

I sometimes wonder what was the first thing that made me fall in love with you, was it your smile, your eyes or the way you could read through me like an open book or did I fall in love with the way you made me feel about myself?!!

Whatever made me love you first doesn't matter that much now, what really matters is that I can't stand life without you, nothing seems to matter anymore but you, just the thought of you when you come to my mind makes me happy, You are all I have and all I care for, You are my family, my father, my friend and above all you are the beat of my heart and the light of my eyes...

I LOVE YOU