The night I cried!!

The last two days were intense, I have to admit that I sometimes feel as if it's a dream that I'm afraid to wake up to. You exceeded my dreams and expectations and I have exceeded my personal expectations in loving you...

I finally felt the meaning of being ready to die for someone else, to be ready to sacrifice everything if that would make the other happy, I'd die for you..
Tonight when I cried I was hoping that you would not get me wrong, the only I was crying was that you deserve much more than me, although I know that no one can love you the way I do.. And when you took me in your arms when I cried I felt that nothing on earth can harm me..

I love you and I gave you my heart, my life, my soul..

خايفة وقلبى مش مرتاح

حاسه ان قلبى مقبوض ومش مطمنه، حاسه انى هاسمع خبر مش حلو، بس مش عارفه ان كان قلبى هايستحمل صدمه.. يارب يكون احساسى غلط بس مش عارفه ليه قلبى مقبوض كده، نفسى اصدقك لما بتحاول تطمنى بس مش قادره... نفسى الاقيك جنبى دلوقتى بتقولى متخافيش انا جنبك ومش هاسيبك لاخر يوم فى عمرى وانا اقولك صدقنى انا غيرك ماليش والحياه ما بينا تبقى زى ما رسمناها مع بعض فى خيالنا الف مرة

يا رب اكون غلطانه، عمرى ما اتمنيت احساسى يكون غلط أد دلوقتى

I wanna grow old with you...

I don't know why I got so gloomy by the end of the night like that, maybe it's because of the damn cold I have or maybe because of the bad mood you're going through which I believe to be contagious, but even in my bad mood all I can think about is you..

How I want you to hold me now and never let go, how I long for your warm sweet embrace, I love you like no one ever loved anyone before and more than anyone ever will..

I was watching a picture of us which I really love and suddenly a song came to my mind, I don't know why that song in particular or maybe I know but anyway it's totally true "I wanna grow old with you, I wanna die lying in your arms, I wanna grow old with you, I wanna be looking in your eyes, I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do, I wanna grow old with you"

I wanna share everything and every moment of my life with you my love and believe me I'll support you and share with you your bad time even more than the good time, I promise to be there for you whenever you need me like you are always there for me whenever I need you..

I love you..

A Pause

Today something strange happened to me, I was missing you much as usual and I was thinking of you and how I wanted to be where you are now so I got my mobile to send you a message and I took a two seconds pause, what to write... Do I write "Ba7ebak" you already know, do I write "Wa7eshny" it is not even close to how much I was missing you, do I write "Malish 3'eerak" its a fact of life, ana f3lan malish 3'eerak so nothing is new about it...

Suddenly I felt that the words are not enough to describe how I feel for you, It far beyond what words can say... I am nothing without you by myside, you complete me and make me a better person and give me a reason to live, you are the one I want to live my life for..

أنت أحلى هديه ربنا بعتهالى عشان تنور عليا حياتى، ربنا يحميك ويباركلى فيك

My Life

Never had I wondered when I first made this blog that It will one day revolve around a person, I thought it was going to reflect my life but in time I came to realize that you are my life so its only natural if my blog is all about you...

I sometimes wonder what was the first thing that made me fall in love with you, was it your smile, your eyes or the way you could read through me like an open book or did I fall in love with the way you made me feel about myself?!!

Whatever made me love you first doesn't matter that much now, what really matters is that I can't stand life without you, nothing seems to matter anymore but you, just the thought of you when you come to my mind makes me happy, You are all I have and all I care for, You are my family, my father, my friend and above all you are the beat of my heart and the light of my eyes...

I LOVE YOU

بالعربى ماليش غيرك

مش عارفة ليه حسيت انى عايزه اكتب النهارده بالعربى، نفسى أقولك كلام كتير أوى أكبر من الكلام والحروف، أد ايه عمرى ما اتمنيت حد غيرك ولا كان نفسى أعيش عمرى كله مع حد غيرك، ده أنا معرفتش معنى الحب غير لما قابلتك وعينى جت فى عينيك، شفت فيك كل اللى كنت باحلم بيه، و حسيت معاك بالامان، بجد عرفت يعنى ايه ابقى عايشه مع راجل وفى ظل راجل، كل يوم باحلم بشكل حياتنا مع بعض هاتبقى عامله إزاى و ايه اللى هأقدر اعملهولك عشان تفضل طول عمرك مبسوط، وايه اللى ممكن اعمله عشان تبقى احسن وانجح راجل فى الوجود، بافكر فى ولادنا وازاى هانربيهم عشان يبقوا احسن مننا، عايزه الايام تعدى وتجرى بقى والاقى نفسى معاك طول الوقت، محتاجه انك تبقى جنبى على طول عشان الدنيا صدقنى مالهاش طعم من غيرك

When you smile...

When you smile the whole world smiles, when you smile you take all my troubles away, when you smile I see my future in your eyes, I see our children & see us getting old together, when you smile you give me strength to change the world, when you smile the world stop spinning & I don't see anyone else but you, when you smile you make me wanna love you more because when you smile is when I feel alive and my life is worth living when you smile :)

Speechless

I am running out of words, trying to describe how I feel for you seems to be only getting harder with each passing day. Sometimes I ask myself is there any more love out there that we did not consume. Each day I think that this is as far as we can go, this the maximum love that any normal person can handle, then the strangest thing happens when I see your face, when I look in your eyes, I fall in love with you all over again...

Ever since I fell in love with you, I believed that I love you more than words can say and I love the fact that no words ever created can describe how I feel for you cos its far more intense that any love ever lived, ever since the begining of time till the day our eyes met and I hope that it will remain undescribable like that till the day I lie in your arms & close my eyes and never open them again...

I love you

Crushing my Heart

Tonight I was dying, my heart was being crushed that I could hear it falling apart. The thought of you leaving me was killing me cos I know I'm not that bad, I know things will get better, I know no one on Earth could love you the way I do so why do I keep putting both of us in these awkward situations, why do I keep putting us through this pain.

I'm in love with you and I never loved this way before and I will fight whoever comes between us and burn them to ashes. I promise you that I will never allow anything to cause you hurt, even if that thing is me cos you deserve much better treatment than that, you deserve to be treated like a king, nothing less.

You ask me why I love you, what's in you not to love, I fell in love with your charm the first time I laid my eyes on you, I love your kind heart, your smile, the warmth you give to my life. I'm in love with the love I see in your eyes, the touch of your hand and your the way you talk. I love the way you understand me without speaking, I love the way I can be myself when I'm with you, I love me when I'm with you...

Like the stars in the skies, the fishes in sea, the sand grains in the desert, that's how much I love you...

I'd die for you and that's the truth

I know the old song said "I'd lie for you and that's the truth" but there is no need to lie anymore, I love you and my life has no meaning, no value, no life in it without you so I'd rather die than live a day without you..

I am your private property till the end of time cos I'm tired of acting that I can do it without you, I can't go on one single day without you by my side, without you in my life..

You're the sun that shines on my days, you are the warm air breeze in a winter day, you are the light that shows me the way, you are my everything and I'm blessed to have you in my life..

I guess its over...

Its over, imagine that I could say that eventually, its over and strangely enough we'll both survive.. I guess I'll stop blogging at least on this blog cos this page will always remain your private property..

Imagine that its over, the message deleted, the photos removed, the dreams and promises gone, only a faded memory of how life could have been if we were together...

Its over, GOD its over, everything dies one day and we died when our time came, we died too soon or too late I don't know but the result is the same .. DEATH ..

I wished I've never seen you or that I saw you when things were easier, lots of mixed feelings in my heart and mind but only one fact remains ITS OVER..

They once said that The Titanic was unsinkable and I once said that our love was never-ending and The Titanic did sink and our story did end but our love will always remain that faded picture perfect dream that once was my private property..

Now WHAT!!

I love him, I miss him but I don't want him back. I love my life with him, I want him around me but I hate the pain of being with him. He's stalking me, I'm stalking him and we both know and we both stand helplessly watching, watching the wind take away our dreams, watching the time take away our years, watching misery take away our laughter but what can we say or do.. The show must go on and it will go on, we are both nothing but grains of the sand in the vast desert called Life..

How long will this pain last, how long will I ache, how long will it be till I'm over him, Nobody knows but yet again the show must go on..

Fairytale Ended

Its over, yes its over, we are not meant for each other, first time for me to admit it, and I will let it go, I will not stay another night crying, I will not dream of you anymore, I will not wish for you to come back to me again.

لاتحزن إذا منع الله عنك شيئا تحبه ,فلو علمت كيف يدبر الله أمورك لذاب قلبك من محبته

Get out of my life for good and Good luck in your life without me..

Eye to Eye!!

Today I saw him Eye to Eye and suddenly my whole life stopped, I thought seeing him would make everything go back the way it was or at least revive those hidden feelings and emotions that were once overflowing for each other, but suddenly it all felt so cold, it all felt so dead inside, never had I wished to see that day, today I died, everything good inside me died, today I took my heart off my chest..

But there is only one question left to be answered and I'd give my whole life to get its answer is; how on earth can anyone hurt the one he loves in such way, how could anyone forget the good times, the shared dreams, the long talks, the times we stood by one another?!!

Today I died and yet I can't seem to seek revenge for my murderer cos when I gave my heart to him, I gave it to him for good, its his for all the coming years, so If I have to die now, I'd be happy to die by his own hands like I always wished I would die in his hands, it doesn't really make that difference, what really matters that one day we were one, one day we cared, one day we were ONE..

What's Now?!!

And now that its all over, I can't believe I'm writing "Its Over" with my own hands, I wished my life would end before I see that day, I wish I'd never watch another sunshine.. Lost, Confused, Hurt and Alone, a year lost of my life or was it the only year I've lived in my life.. Will I start living now or has Life just stopped, its like the world suddenly stopped spinning and everything froze around me..

Will I ever trust anyone else, do I still trust you, do I still believe you were telling me the truth, do I love you and If I do love you, will it ever stop or do I even want it to stop..

I feel I'm going out of my mind, too many questions left unanswered and the only one who could help my think, left my high and dry and did not bother to ask.

Ya Rab, help my find the way..

The End!!

Is it coming to an end, will this beautiful dream end just like that, Its tearing me apart that I can't do anything to keep my dreams safe.. I feel lost in a world I don't even know with no one to ask for directions, ya Rab help me out here..

I want my life back together, I just want to close my eyes and open it to find everything settled and to find me again.

How could dreams turn to nightmares, how could the only one who can put a smile on your face be the only one who can make you cry..

Ya Rab, some Guidance and Peace of Mind..

Private Property

Its almost a year since I've known you and with each passing day I love you even more and I grow more certain that you love me the same way too, and no matter what people say, I'll always be yours and you'll always be mine, Private Property Forever :)

I miss you

I miss you and its killing me to feel that helpless, I feel like I'm addicted to you, I can't think of anything but you. I wish I could be like you to love without being over attached, to love and yet be able to live my life the way I used to, to love and not be weakened by this love.

I wish I could go back to the strong girl I used to be but the only difference this time is to have you by myside to make me even stronger. I wish you could share your dreams with me, you could let your feelings flow, just release your brakes and let go coz there is nothing hide and nothing to fear anymore, or am I the only one who feels that way??

People think I'm going crazy but they just can't realize that I only falling head over heels for you and I like it I really do but why cant I feel you falling for me, why are you trying to act all grown up while I feel like I'm exploring life for the very first time with you...

Oh, how I love you and just cant let you go...

I feel like SCREAMING

I just feel like screaming for the past few days, too many mixed feelings and I can't help it anymore, may be I have started to be overly attached to you but that's how I'd like to spend the rest of life, but I need to feel that you want to spend the rest of your life with me too, please give me a clue, I am dying out here... Show me you love with each & every way you can, is it too much for me to ask, why can't you just open up your heart and tell me what's inside that box of secrets, why can't the rest of our lives together start now, lets not waste another single moment.

I can't imagine my life without you now, I just feel so weak not being able to live by myself anymore, I can't go back to how I was before and for an unknown reason you refuse to surrender to being in love... Till when we'll keep playing these love games, I feel like being too old for games, I need some serenity and security, I need to know that you'll be there for me for as long as we both shall live, I want to spend the rest of my life in your arms, I want to see my children in your eyes, I want to see us grow old together, I want go through all the good and bad times with you, I want to see you when I wake each morning and before I sleep at night, I want to be with you for LIFE...

You know you mean the world to me and I will keep on dreaming you'll feel the way I do without asking you to and if you did not feel it, Its enough for me that we are together the way we are now because I can do anything in this wide world except risking to lose you...

Extreme Makeover

With you I feel like a totally different person, I don't even know me anymore, my limits have reached the highest stars, I like things that would have never crossed my mind before I met you, I enjoy doing what you tell me to, trying the things you like, seeing life through your eyes and your eyes only.

Sometimes I feel frightened from the way I became and how I became that attached to you in that short time but then I realize "WHAT THE HECK," for the first time in life I am enjoying, I am happy and in Love, no matter what people might say about the change that happened to me, but I cherish this change only because it came from your presence in my life...

I'd Lie for you and that's the truth...

Although I have always been against deceiving people, but what is wrong with deceiving people or hiding a part of the truth if that truth does not even concern them, It belongs to us only and will always stay that way.

I thank God for your understanding and support and If that issue does not bother you, then why should it bother anybody else. And if deceiving others or Lying will make us together then I'd gladly and proudly Lie for you...

"I'd lie for you and that's the truth,
Do anything you asked me to,
I'd even sell my soul for you,
I'd do it all for you,
If you'd just believe in me.

I'd lie for you and that's the truth,
Move mountains if you want me to,
I'd walk across the fire for you,
I'd walk on the wild for you,
If you'd just believe in me.

And you will never see a day I'll ever break your heart,
You'll see the sky fall down before it ever gets that far,
I'll show you heaven every second that you're in my arms,
Baby I'm crazy, but I'm crazy about you."

You own my heart, mind and soul and I would do whatever it takes to get to you, even if I had to fight the whole world...

Far beyond what words can describe…

Here I am trying to describe how I feel for you, it’s beyond what words can describe, I am in love with you to the bones, never felt like that in my life & never will. You came into my life and gave it a meaning, gave me something to live for, gave me hope. You made me love myself by loving you.

You are my sun & I am the moon, will the moon ever shine if there is no Sun, I take my light & warmth from you, my world will stop spinning if you are not in it. You are my strength, my support, my shoulder to cry on.

I just love the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, the way you fear for me, the way you roll your eyes when I am speaking nonsense. I also love the way you are willing to sacrifice the things you like in order to make me happy, the way you tell me that you love me, they way you tell me I am beautiful when in fact I am only beautiful when I am by your side.

How I wish to stay with you forever...

Another Crack in My Heart

I know I have been away for a very long period of time and I wished that I could come back feeling better than this...

The past 5 months that I was away in witnessed some major changes in my Life, el7amdollelah I found a very decent job that pays well (Allahoma barek) and fell in Love with the most adorable guy in the whole wide world.

He filled my life with Love, Joy and Hope for a better future, gave me back my self confidence that I lost, gave me a reason to live for, I loved my life only coz he was a part of it, hearing his voice in the early morning would light it up my whole day and seeing him even for a minute gave me butterflies.

He made me believe in Love again after losing my faith in it, he made me feel like a little girl that was lost and finally found her home, but of course Life does not always give us what we want so of course after feeling how adorable love can be, It took it all away in a blink of an eye, the reasons are not important as it was our destiny and it had to be fulfilled.

And now I'm stuck in my world alone feeling lonelier than ever, and all that I gained from this is that I tasted how wonderful life can be and then it was all taken away by fate, now I wish to go back to the time I did not believe in Love or bother myself with all that mixed feelings.

Which made me suddenly remember a song by "Take That" that I adored when I was younger, at least 10 years ago, it was called "Another Crack in My Heart" but I guess that the Crack I've been through this time is the deepest crack ever and it will never heal easily..