Did not PAUSE!!

You didn't care to pause, when I told you I need you the most.
You didn't care to pause, when desperation was engraving itself to my soul.
You didn't care to pause, when all I wanted to hear was your voice telling me it will be alright.
You didn't care to pause, when life as I once knew it slipped away from my fingers and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
And now you left me high and dry, all by myself like I have always been, why would I assume that love could not be conquered, love is conquered the very first minute troubles arise, love is conquered the very first minute uncertainty and hesitation arise, love is conquered the very first time I ask you what do you really want and you tell me I don't know, love is conquered the very first time you let me sleep with tears in my eyes.
I love you and I know you love me too but it's not enough to mend the broken heart, it's not enough to keep my feet warm when its cold outside, it's not enough to wipe away my tears, it's not enough to conquer my fears, it's not enough to make me fight a war alone.
I need to know now where you stand, I need to know what am I to you, I need to know am I the burden you have in your life or am I what makes the life worth living, am I heaven or hell, am I the duty or the lust, how exactly do you see me, how do you see your life without me, can you see a life for yourself without me.
I can't stand always be treated like that, this is who I am and I have done my best in changing to please you and I have never asked you for anything more than for you to feel me.
I need you to be there for me, I need you to feel me if you can and I need you to know where you stand, I need to feel your love..

Valentine's Day

For the first time ever in my life, I have celebrated the Valentine's day and I believe I had an absolutely perfect Valentine, I would not change a single thing that happened on that day ever since I saw you.
You came to me looking like a star, a handsome prince who is taking his princess by the hand to the land where fairy tales exist, it was a magical night, the touch of your hand that night sent me straight to heaven, I felt I could touch the moon and the stars and strangely I felt that my eyes were shining with love more than that moon and those stars.
When we found the road a bit crowded and then were a bit lost, I felt happy that I could steal a few more precious moments with you before reaching the place we were heading to cos it really didn't ever matter where we were going as long as we will be together.
When we reached the place, my God how I loved it, yet again since when didn't I enjoy or like something you've chosen, I always love what you love, I love whatever you lay eyes on, whatever crosses your mind, I love you...
I had the greatest time there and when it was time to leave, I also had the sweetest going home ride ever that I really didn't want it to end, I didn't want that fairytale night to end, I felt like I was living in a dream that ended the moment I stepped out of the car, but even if that dream ended back then, I can still recall every word you said, every look, every touch, every single detail on that wonderful night, I thank you for all that from the bottom of my heart, no wonder you are the love of my life.

I wish you enjoyed that night the way I did and all I can say is Rabena y7'alik liya ya 7yaty, cos life really has no meaning without you my love...

Afraid

It's the first time to write something in my blog that I don't want you to read, I know eventually you will but really I am not hurry cos you know what, I just don't wanna write anymore, tired of writing (surprising isn't it?!!) I don't wanna write, I don't wanna talk, I just want to feel your presence like I used to, I want to feel your love, I want to know deep in my heart that you'll not leave me no matter what.

You know what being together was a fact to me that I never suspected for a second, why do you take that certainty out of my heart now and why now when I need you the most!!!

I love you, yes I love you far beyond what words can say, I don't want anything other than you from life, just three days ago I was praying to have kids who'll look like you, I need to know what happened in these two days?!!

You know what really kills me, when I ask you what exactly do you want and you reply that "I don't know, I haven't decided yet," what is exactly that you don't know? you don't know if you want me or not, you don't know if you want to be myside for the rest of ourlives together or not? you don't know if you are willing to take a challenge or two to protect your love? what is it exactly that you don't know!!!

I have lots of questions on my mind and I am tired of writing, I am tired of talking, I am tired of thinking and I am afraid, afraid of facing this world without you, afraid that I will lose my one and only love, afraid that I stuck with misery for my whole like... But I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be loved by you..

Please know, please decide, please don't leave me, I can't believe I am that desperate...

Acting strong

Not a long time ago, a few days ago actually we are discussing the reason I like to act strong all the time, you want to know why...

The reason why I used to do that is to prevent something like what happened today cos you just can't imagine the heartache you feel when tears fill your eyes and the person you love acts likes he does not even see that :'(

You can't imagine the heartache you feel when you are dying to hear the voice of the person you love, telling you that everything will be alright and I know you that I am dying to hear your voice and yet for a reason I don't know you don't care to do it.

You can't imagine the heartache you feel when you need the person you love to be by yourside when all your world seems to falling apart and he is not there, do you know what is like to NEED someone.

That's why all my life I tried to be strong to avoid going through all the heartaches, but I can't do it anymore, I can't manage to keep myself together without you, I can't act strong anymore I love you and I can't go on without you anymore so please the only thing I will ever ask you to do is to be there for me.

I need you...

Internal Affairs also

For the past few days Egypt has been suffering from external parties and foreign countries involvement in our internal affairs which I have always believed it to be unacceptable, so why do you think that I would let anyone on this Earth interfere in my life, why do you think that I would allow anyone to utter a single word about what we have, why do you think that anyone can change my mind whether now or in the future about how I feel for you.

I trust you and nothing can change that, I belong to you no matter how long it takes us, no matter how hard it was, if it costs me my life I would give my life cos my life would really mean NOTHING if you are not with me.

Why don't you understand, Life has some facts:

The sun will rise everyday

The sea will always have waters

The desert will never run out of sand

AND

I will never stop loving or trusting you...

A message to my husband

A message to my husband, yes my husband, the bravest man alive, how I love you even when jealousy strikes you and you get furious and start screaming at me yet strangely I can see the whole world's tenderness in your eyes. You are the sweetest man I have ever met, you are the kindest and the cutest. You are all I have ever wished for and you the best that ever happened in my life.

I love you sweetie, I love being your wife or your wife to be isA, Rabena y7'alik liya, you are the most precious diamond in the world and in my world or actually would it be more accurate to say that you are my world and I would give up all my life, all what's precious and valuable to protect my love for you.

You know what I wish for each night before I fall asleep, I wish I could wake up in your arms, I wish that it would be the last night I have to spend away from you, I wish that I would be yours forever, my sweetest husband.

I love you...