Why do I act that strong!!

You asked me yesterday "why do I act strong" you want to know why cos the only person that I don't act to be anything with, other than what I really am is you...

And let me tell you something when someone gets deep inside you, it becomes very easy for him to hurt you and that wound hurts so deep. That's why I have learned not to let anyone see the true me, not to let anyone get inside of me, not to let anyone hurt me. Life taught me one thing so far, that I am all by myself, maybe that's why it is hard for me to change, maybe that's why I'm always anticipating the worst to happen, maybe that's why seeing you by myside all the time is like a miracle to me.

Please stay by myside cos I need you, I trust you and above all I love you far beyond what words can say...

For the rest of my life

I know that what I am going through is most probably nothing and just a normal fatigue, but deep inside whenever I'm alone, I feel scared and afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

I don't wanna get too dramatic but whatever it is, I know one thing for sure, I NEED YOU, I need you more than you can imagine, I need you now and I need you for the rest of my life cos there is no life without you.

Yesterday you asked me "what wrong, your eyes look sad as if you have tears locked in them", I am afraid that what I am, and for the first time I am not afraid of anything other than being without you, I don't want to spend a second without you by my side, I don't wanna go through anything good or bad without you, I wish I could lay in your arms forever and that time would just freeze.

I love you, and ever since I loved you I started to love my life, the life I lived with you. I can see our future in your eyes, I can see our home, our long sleepless loving nights, our children that have your eyes and tenderness and I love my life with you and I guess I am just afraid to lose you.

You know, what I am going through now reminded me of a quote from my favorite movie of all time "City of Angels", I have always loved that quote but I actually feel it now...

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand than eternity without it"

That's exactly what I feel for you without being over dramatic, I guess what I am trying to say is; I need you for the rest of my life..

For more than a year

For more than a year you are my life and this blog as my witness, for more than a year I love you more with each passing day, for more than a year you've given me happiness, joy and a safe shelter, you are my home, my family and my shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I wonder why did I love you in the first place, what attracted me to you, what is your magic then I remember the look of your eyes, your sweet voice and your tender touch.. I could just fall in love with you over and over again with each passing day.

I wish I could make you feel half as good as you make me feel when we are together, I love you..

The Back-Up Plan

You know what is the hardest question you always get asked on an interview "Where do you see yourself in five years" and of course the classical "what are your weaknesses," I always get blank when these two questions are asked because simply their answer is the same to me and unfortunately I can never utter their honest answer in an interview or it will be doomed to fail, how can you tell a prospect employer that "I don't have a plan cos simply I can not plan" of course it is not that ugly, I am not walking around aimlessly but I seriously do not have a concrete plan to lean on.

I don't know where will I be in a five years time or even in a year from now, but the only thing I know for sure is that my only long term plan is to stick by your side till the day I die cos I just can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up to someone else's face in the early morning, I can't imagine having children that do not have your eyes, I can't even imagine fighting with anyone but you.

I know life will never be easy whether we are together or we are apart but with you I am willing to stand against all the difficulties, the hurt and the pain. I never wished to be that dependent on someone, all my life I felt that the worst thing you can do to yourself is to grow dependent on someone because that someone at a certain point of time will just leave you to suffer alone, then not only will you be hurt but also lost and unsecured.

But again where did my thoughts of independence got me?!! NOWHERE, I did not find myself till the day I fell in love with you, I did not have an aim or a meaning for life till I knew it was you who gave it a meaning, it is you that makes the journey worth while.

So how can someone who doesn't have a plan other than being by your side ever have a back-up plan that doesn't include you. Enough with the suspicions and fear, it is you that I live for and it is you that I am giving my whole life to, it is you I want to share my dreams with and it is you that I want to put all my life plans with.

I need you..

Blessed

In my life I have always felt content, I could always justify the goods and bads that were happening to me, I always found a way to convince myself that this is life, its just normal to suffer and that other people are not way better off, everyone gets to suffer a bit for as long as they are living as if they are sentenced to a 70 years of prison where they have to pretend that they are free, the way I'm describing it right now sounds like a living nightmare.

Well, I have to admit that it was a living nightmare till the day I met you, that very first day I felt BLESSED for the first time I felt as if a sun finally shined upon my life, suddenly I felt better. The day I loved you I found my reason for living and knew the reason I existed in this world.

Now I can truly say that I am blessed, blessed to have you by myside, blessed to know where I wanna be, blessed to wish to spend my life in your arms, blessed to have you looking after me and caring for me that way.

Now I know that all the suffering that I may have seen in my life was worth the pain cos after any long dark night comes a shining dawn and you are my shining dawn that I've been waiting for all my life and I wish for your sun never to leave my skies cos you are what makes life worth living, you are all the blessings I have ever wished for, you are my life...

The night I cried!!

The last two days were intense, I have to admit that I sometimes feel as if it's a dream that I'm afraid to wake up to. You exceeded my dreams and expectations and I have exceeded my personal expectations in loving you...

I finally felt the meaning of being ready to die for someone else, to be ready to sacrifice everything if that would make the other happy, I'd die for you..
Tonight when I cried I was hoping that you would not get me wrong, the only I was crying was that you deserve much more than me, although I know that no one can love you the way I do.. And when you took me in your arms when I cried I felt that nothing on earth can harm me..

I love you and I gave you my heart, my life, my soul..

خايفة وقلبى مش مرتاح

حاسه ان قلبى مقبوض ومش مطمنه، حاسه انى هاسمع خبر مش حلو، بس مش عارفه ان كان قلبى هايستحمل صدمه.. يارب يكون احساسى غلط بس مش عارفه ليه قلبى مقبوض كده، نفسى اصدقك لما بتحاول تطمنى بس مش قادره... نفسى الاقيك جنبى دلوقتى بتقولى متخافيش انا جنبك ومش هاسيبك لاخر يوم فى عمرى وانا اقولك صدقنى انا غيرك ماليش والحياه ما بينا تبقى زى ما رسمناها مع بعض فى خيالنا الف مرة

يا رب اكون غلطانه، عمرى ما اتمنيت احساسى يكون غلط أد دلوقتى