Afraid

It's the first time to write something in my blog that I don't want you to read, I know eventually you will but really I am not hurry cos you know what, I just don't wanna write anymore, tired of writing (surprising isn't it?!!) I don't wanna write, I don't wanna talk, I just want to feel your presence like I used to, I want to feel your love, I want to know deep in my heart that you'll not leave me no matter what.

You know what being together was a fact to me that I never suspected for a second, why do you take that certainty out of my heart now and why now when I need you the most!!!

I love you, yes I love you far beyond what words can say, I don't want anything other than you from life, just three days ago I was praying to have kids who'll look like you, I need to know what happened in these two days?!!

You know what really kills me, when I ask you what exactly do you want and you reply that "I don't know, I haven't decided yet," what is exactly that you don't know? you don't know if you want me or not, you don't know if you want to be myside for the rest of ourlives together or not? you don't know if you are willing to take a challenge or two to protect your love? what is it exactly that you don't know!!!

I have lots of questions on my mind and I am tired of writing, I am tired of talking, I am tired of thinking and I am afraid, afraid of facing this world without you, afraid that I will lose my one and only love, afraid that I stuck with misery for my whole like... But I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be loved by you..

Please know, please decide, please don't leave me, I can't believe I am that desperate...

Acting strong

Not a long time ago, a few days ago actually we are discussing the reason I like to act strong all the time, you want to know why...

The reason why I used to do that is to prevent something like what happened today cos you just can't imagine the heartache you feel when tears fill your eyes and the person you love acts likes he does not even see that :'(

You can't imagine the heartache you feel when you are dying to hear the voice of the person you love, telling you that everything will be alright and I know you that I am dying to hear your voice and yet for a reason I don't know you don't care to do it.

You can't imagine the heartache you feel when you need the person you love to be by yourside when all your world seems to falling apart and he is not there, do you know what is like to NEED someone.

That's why all my life I tried to be strong to avoid going through all the heartaches, but I can't do it anymore, I can't manage to keep myself together without you, I can't act strong anymore I love you and I can't go on without you anymore so please the only thing I will ever ask you to do is to be there for me.

I need you...

Internal Affairs also

For the past few days Egypt has been suffering from external parties and foreign countries involvement in our internal affairs which I have always believed it to be unacceptable, so why do you think that I would let anyone on this Earth interfere in my life, why do you think that I would allow anyone to utter a single word about what we have, why do you think that anyone can change my mind whether now or in the future about how I feel for you.

I trust you and nothing can change that, I belong to you no matter how long it takes us, no matter how hard it was, if it costs me my life I would give my life cos my life would really mean NOTHING if you are not with me.

Why don't you understand, Life has some facts:

The sun will rise everyday

The sea will always have waters

The desert will never run out of sand

AND

I will never stop loving or trusting you...

A message to my husband

A message to my husband, yes my husband, the bravest man alive, how I love you even when jealousy strikes you and you get furious and start screaming at me yet strangely I can see the whole world's tenderness in your eyes. You are the sweetest man I have ever met, you are the kindest and the cutest. You are all I have ever wished for and you the best that ever happened in my life.

I love you sweetie, I love being your wife or your wife to be isA, Rabena y7'alik liya, you are the most precious diamond in the world and in my world or actually would it be more accurate to say that you are my world and I would give up all my life, all what's precious and valuable to protect my love for you.

You know what I wish for each night before I fall asleep, I wish I could wake up in your arms, I wish that it would be the last night I have to spend away from you, I wish that I would be yours forever, my sweetest husband.

I love you...

Why do I act that strong!!

You asked me yesterday "why do I act strong" you want to know why cos the only person that I don't act to be anything with, other than what I really am is you...

And let me tell you something when someone gets deep inside you, it becomes very easy for him to hurt you and that wound hurts so deep. That's why I have learned not to let anyone see the true me, not to let anyone get inside of me, not to let anyone hurt me. Life taught me one thing so far, that I am all by myself, maybe that's why it is hard for me to change, maybe that's why I'm always anticipating the worst to happen, maybe that's why seeing you by myside all the time is like a miracle to me.

Please stay by myside cos I need you, I trust you and above all I love you far beyond what words can say...

For the rest of my life

I know that what I am going through is most probably nothing and just a normal fatigue, but deep inside whenever I'm alone, I feel scared and afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

I don't wanna get too dramatic but whatever it is, I know one thing for sure, I NEED YOU, I need you more than you can imagine, I need you now and I need you for the rest of my life cos there is no life without you.

Yesterday you asked me "what wrong, your eyes look sad as if you have tears locked in them", I am afraid that what I am, and for the first time I am not afraid of anything other than being without you, I don't want to spend a second without you by my side, I don't wanna go through anything good or bad without you, I wish I could lay in your arms forever and that time would just freeze.

I love you, and ever since I loved you I started to love my life, the life I lived with you. I can see our future in your eyes, I can see our home, our long sleepless loving nights, our children that have your eyes and tenderness and I love my life with you and I guess I am just afraid to lose you.

You know, what I am going through now reminded me of a quote from my favorite movie of all time "City of Angels", I have always loved that quote but I actually feel it now...

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand than eternity without it"

That's exactly what I feel for you without being over dramatic, I guess what I am trying to say is; I need you for the rest of my life..

For more than a year

For more than a year you are my life and this blog as my witness, for more than a year I love you more with each passing day, for more than a year you've given me happiness, joy and a safe shelter, you are my home, my family and my shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I wonder why did I love you in the first place, what attracted me to you, what is your magic then I remember the look of your eyes, your sweet voice and your tender touch.. I could just fall in love with you over and over again with each passing day.

I wish I could make you feel half as good as you make me feel when we are together, I love you..